Aug 15, 2014

Below The Belt - What People Are Blind To

WARNING: If you are sensitive about suicide, have depression, bipolar disorder or any other mental disorder which brings you to the brink of suicide: please read on, but only if you're currently fine and not in a down phase. Otherwise, words may be taken the wrong way and can lead to impulsive, not thought out actions and reactions.

Just because this post is about suicide, it doesn't mean that I'm all sentimental. Even after the suicide of Robin Williams, I feel rather neutral to it. I haven't watched many movies with him but he had an unique talent indeed. Now where he died, reactions are all over the place, especially on Facebook and Twitter. And there are things which upset me greatly and that's why I want to write about suicide. Even if it's written out of a bit of anger and disappointment about the lack of empathy from others, I wanted to write something which is decisive yet should give those on the brink something to think about.


How Thieves Could Reason By Current Logic

I especially refer to an article which appeared on my Facebook stream because somebody shared it: it was an opinion article from The Huffington Post about how suicide isn't a selfish act. And one comment about the article stated my opinion very correctly: just because you can feel for somebody, it doesn't mean that it's justified.

I can feel for thieves which come from the poorest of poor conditions. But does it make it okay to steal something? No. By that logic, justice would be screwed.
Same with suicide. Suicide isn't about justice though. Yet the logic of suicide getting respect by others or even being heroic is as flawed. The comment section argues heavily about the word "selfish" mostly, less "selfless" but it also appears to be quite a topic.

I can state from my opinion that suicide isn't selfish. Why? According to Merriam-Webster dictionary (my favorite dictionary, by the way), that somebody is "having or showing concern only for yourself [in that case, oneself] and not for the needs or feelings of other people". That would imply that suicide attempters are bad people. But they aren't. They just think that they'd be less of a burden to beloved ones and/or they just want to end their pain.

Now to "selfless": "having or showing great concern for other people and little or no concern for yourself". This definition is very, very dangerous. It means that you want to support others and make them feel better by eradicating yourself or that you ignore or struggle through the pain you're going through and instead live with your beloved ones. 

Interestingly enough, there is a choice, and I also think that suicide is a choice. As there are thousand ways to die, there are even more to not die. For some people it's easier to take a certain choice, for others harder. Nevertheless, it is a choice.

If it wasn't a choice and just unavoidable, why do we care about them? Then all effort to help them would be useless. And I don't think that helping them is useless at all, because I think they have a choice of what to do. And I'm totally sure that I'm saving somebody by showing care for them. And so should others and start to get out of their comfort zone to actually help those in need.

Math Helps For A Reason To Live On

This goes especially to the young ones. I've heard of suicides when boys and girls were only less than twenty years old; even a 12-year-old committed suicide out of despair. And that isn't all the time due to depression and other disorders. It can be because of downright torture and abuse by others or fears and low self-esteem.

Let's take a look however: if you are 18, you've only got roughly one fourth or even less behind you. There's still the 20s phase, the midlife phase and the retirement phase. 60 years full of life in front of you. And who knows what happens? Bad things and good things can happen out of nowhere. But as no one can predict it, you cannot be sure of what happens. Throwing your life away due to your current situation is unwise. Who knows what can happen? The love which makes you happy, a little sudden forture which could help you out of a very bad pinch or just knowing that you did something right.
You can't predict it, others can't predict it, no one can.

What does this show? You haven't lived a long time probably and you can't tell what comes tomorrow. So what is the best thing to do? Doing something to make the best out of it and make the good things more probable to come. This can't be done when you are dead.

Life isn't paradise for "healthy" and happy people either, it happens to have its bumps and downhill roads, some longer, some shorter. There are many people who keep struggling with suicide yet keep living on. These are the people you should talk to. And with an internet connection, it isn't too hard to talk to them or get an occasional cheer-up. Maybe trying out some new hobby can do it, too, to calm yourself down when you're emotionally upset.

Many countries also have a suicide hotline and schools have their counselors. No matter what, please, cling on to your life. When you get a job which you may like, a wife, some kids and a grow old, you will look back at it and be grateful for everything you have.

That's also one point: life is a chance. And this chance shouldn't be used only partially but to its fullest content. I'd beg you all who are reading this, to do so.


A Word Of Reason To The Others

This is mostly for the others who aren't directly affected by suicidal thoughts but for the others, it's also interesting:

Nobody is an island: how I behave will affect others undoubtedly. This also can mean that I give somebody more reason to prefer a certain choice. Take really good care of what, when, where and how you do or say something. It can affect them heavily without your knowing. It's just general general advice but it especially goes to the treatment of those who are mentally troubled.

However, this doesn't mean that you have to be completely devoted. Just because I have a suicidal friend, it doesn't mean that I will be completely devoted to them if they were rude or cold to me and don't see any fault. If enough was enough, I'd break up ties with that person, even if suicidal. I wouldn't blame myself when they committed suicide but I'd still feel grief for a former friend.

What makes this topic so hard to talk about is how one should treat these people or how one should talk about it decisively without looking cold. I'm not cold at all but I have my stances and views. I can say that because I think of suicide as a choice and that is - even if sounds paradox - what motivates me to take special care of them. "
How I behave will affect others undoubtedly", I said. If I do actions and behavior which is uplifting or full of care and love, they may or will feel more worth and thus live on. I have a certain responsibility as I'm not suffering from depression or other severe disorders and therefore can do more for somebody. That is what everyone should feel like.

And if you've done everything reasonable in your power to keep somebody alive but they choose to die: you aren't to blame; because in the end, suicide stays a choice. And I do respect that choice. I don't like that choice, but I have to accept it in the end.

For those who are strong in mind and heart: keep an eye on those who aren't as strong as you and be considerate with them. They are people like you and me. Be a bit selfless (NOW it is correct to say that) and try to get to know them; who knows, you may become best friends and more of a reason to live.

Links related to the article:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hurley/theres-nothing-selfish-about-suicide_b_5672519.html


P.S.: I was very critical about the article at first; after re-reading it however, I don't find it bad at all. It is quite a fine piece in my opinion I have to admit that I misunderstood a lot and was kinda led by my frustration some comments left on there.
No, really, you should read it.




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